We've all heard stories of people confessing regrets from their deathbed. They include everything from working less, valuing relationships, and facing fears. We probably have the sudden urge to act on our current regrets, then letting the feeling fade as we continue to scroll through our Facebook feed.
There are also countless stories of people having near death experiences or given a few months to live only to then develop a newfound outlook on life.
It happens when we are threatened by other losses. I’m sure we are all familiar with the moment someone is faced with an imminent break-up, health issue, or death of a loved one. We race to make up for lost time, change our lifestyle, or admit things we have neglected to say for years.
We live each day as if we are immortal, allowing ourselves to succumb to procrastination, fear, and complacency. How often do we set out on a new endeavor only to lose steam, or put off our dreams until we realize it’s too late?
Yes – considering our mortality can be depressing or even debilitating. However, we often fail to realize its power as an effective motivational tool.
We may not be diagnosed with cancer tomorrow, but there is nothing stopping us from acting as if we had little time left. It’s simple. Allow your imagination to wander to that day you are on your deathbed. What would you say to your current self? What relationships would you value? What fears would you face? What chances would you take? Who's opinion would matter most?
There's an immediate boost in willpower. We may find the needed motivation to construct a life we have naively been putting off for years.
It can increase our level of gratitude and appreciation of the present moment. Suddenly, it isn’t such a drag to pick up our kids from school, hang out with grandma, or change a flat tire.
This is not meant to be an excuse to be destructive, giving us permission to eat every cupcake in sight. It's meant to responsibly challenge our current values, behaviors, and course of life.
As humans we have been given the existential anxiety of realizing our own mortality. So we can either wallow in this reality or embrace it to our benefit, the choice is yours.
I suggest this tool isn’t just used every birthday or New Years Eve. Instead this can be used more regularly, perhaps even daily. The trick is finding your own personal ways to slow down and remind yourself. It could be the sight of your children, the drive to work or set a reminder on your phone.
However you decide to integrate it, my wish is that if you do end up interviewed on your deathbed, you will confidently say, “I have no regrets.”
Adam Lencioni is a licensed mental health counselor empowering individuals and couples to overcome their personal obstacles while creating flourishing, fulfilling lives. Contact him at adam@parkbenchtherapy.com to inquire about services, or visit his website parkbenchtherapy.com for more information.
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